Thursday, July 8, 2010
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great beginning for me.
- 9:51 AM
Y
Sunday, July 4, 2010
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I'm so goddamn lazy nowadays. lazy to do my hair properly before I go out. lazy to apply mask for weeks. lazy to take photos when I'm out partying. lazy to walk to the main road to catch a cab. lazy to cook for myself when I'm about to die from hunger. lazy to shower everyday when I wake up... Laziness is soon turning into a habit to me. I need to stop from being sooo lazy!!!
- 2:13 AM
Y
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
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I love pool party!
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Pool party if super fun! I think I should organize one myself some day:)
- 10:58 AM
Y
Thursday, June 24, 2010
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A wake up call...
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Parties are forever. It's so true and that's why we should work hard to realize our dreams. I said true happiness comes from true love. and I know people don't take it seriously. You just want to relax and have fun and at the mean time have some consideration for other's feelings. But you should also know we have been living in such normality for a long long time. Aren't you craving for true love to fall upon you? Everything in life will seem brighter and happier. The sky is bluer. The air is fresher. The first feeling you experience after waking up in the morning is euphoria and contentment. You suddenly have a sense of direction in life. And you say this to yourself "God is so kind to me". The world you live in is no longer corrupted and dangerous. You are living in a seeminly purified and harmonious world where everything about nature is well balanced. And at last, you whisper to your lover with tears in your eyes "all I want in life is you."
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Of course, a lot of people` have never experienced this level of happiness in their whole life. This might be due to complication of their own mind. You live in a deep abyss where there is no end because you simply believe that you will never get out of there. You are too accustomed to build walls to protect yourself. But at the same time you also prevent love and happiness to come near you. It is indeed a quandary. But don't forget you have the ability to make a choice.
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However, Pursuing dreams and falling in love might be in conflict with each other. But nothing is impossible. It is the power of WILL. I am going to pursue my biggest dream in life. No one could stop me except God himself.
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- 1:29 AM
Y
Monday, June 14, 2010
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Whoever you are holding me now in hand,
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Without one thing all will be useless,
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I give you fair warning before you attempt me further,
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I am not what you supposed, but far different.
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Who is he that would become my follower?
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Who would sign himself a candidate for my affections?
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The way is suspicious, the result uncertain, perhaps destructive,
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You would have to give up all else, I alone would expect
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to be your sole and exclusive standard,
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Your novitiate would even then be long and exhausting,
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The past theory of your life and all conformity to the lives
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around you would have to be abandon'd,
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Therefore release me now before troubling yourself any further,
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let go your hands from my shoulders,
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Put me down and depart on your way.
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WALT WHITMAN, Leaves of Grass
- 12:51 PM
Y
Sunday, June 13, 2010
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It's been a long long time since I last updated my blog. Too many things happened in the past one month and I am feeling absolutely numb. It's so hard to decide whether I should study locally or go to UK. Sometimes I just want to leave quietly and start a new life. University of Sheffield. Sounds good? Goldsmiths, UOL? Or NUS? NTU?
`Mum said going to UK alone will be lonely. I told her, your daughter fear nothing, absolutely nothing. Life has trained me well.`Ok two more months of rubbish and I'll be off to be a hard core nerdy student. `too tired to write anything else... will update soon.
- 9:06 AM
Y
Saturday, April 24, 2010
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Counting down to Shanghai trip in 4 days time with a bit of excitement, a bit of sorrow... away from all the chaos... I am about to start a new life. "It's the fire in my eyes And the flash of my teeth The swing in my waist And the joy in my feet..." I am 20. I'm just beginning to flower...
- 2:14 AM
Y
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
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just chanced upon a blog which is about the life of a husband in dear memories of his deceased wife. I was completely carried away by the emotional intensity in his blog posts. So subtle yet full of sadness and sorrow. It somehow awakened a side of me which I tried so hard to conceal. I feel so sorry... for him... for unfortunate people and incidents around... How can a heart be made of stone if the heart can be moved so effortlessly?
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Remember another day there was a todler whose feet was stuck in an escalator while my friend and I were doing some shopping. Everybody tried to sqeeze through the crowds to look at this incident regardless of which floor they r at. The baby was crying, the young brother and mother were screaming and I quickly moved away from the scene. Yes I looked emotionless. In fact it was too painful for me to witness such a tragedy. How I wished the one who's stucked in the escalator was me.
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Sigh.... too much misfortune in the world...
- 7:05 AM
Y
Monday, April 19, 2010
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God finally I'm single again. Please let me stay this way for a longer time. I need time to heal and find my internal peace. I want to start a new life.
- 12:06 AM
Y
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
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Melaka trip!
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- 12:16 PM
Y
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just came back from Melaka... It's such a wonderful trip:) We've been eating like starved dogs especially the night at the portugees seafood place and I feel like I'm becoming a real fat ass. BURP. Poor puppy was forced to take 300+ photos for me within two days. Hiak hiak hiak... miss the mesmerizing sea view from the hotel room and the feeling of absolute freedom and serenity. miss the late night town investigation and the breeze blowing through the car window. miss the late night desserts and people watching... man... I want to go traveling again.
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The ticket to Shanghai has already booked for me but I'm not sure when I should come back. A few weeks seem too long and unbearable for me. I miss grandparents and I want to spend more time with them since I haven't go back for ages. But something in Sg is always holding me back. That is love... At the same time I'm very excited to travel coz going to Shanghai feels like traveling for me. Never been to the partying scene there may be I might end up partying a lot at the most fabulous and infamous clubs! No. No. My mission is to be a good girl and accompany my grandparents 24/7 till the day I leave.
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You know, the feeling of living far away from my loved ones SUCK. Sometimes I dream about my grandparents and waking up with tears in my eyes... In fact I can visit them whenever I want to but I would feel so heartbroken every time I leave. It's not purely due to the reason that I can't stand leaving them. It's due to the fact that I can't stand them missing me. So I think if I'm not around all the time the emotional attachment could be weakened so that they won't spend their time in sorrow missing me. Also, my grandparetns can't come and live with me due to poor health. I really don't know what I should do... I just want them to be happy.
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I should be happy. At least I'm going to see them soon.
- 11:20 AM
Y
Thursday, April 8, 2010
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Just had a long conversation with my bestie which made me realized certain things. We were talking about our encounters in school when we were younger and how we were ostracised.
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Sometimes I wonder why I have such a different life compare to everybody else. Why I must went through all those ordeals and hardships while other kids were having lots of fun together. I've been always the odd one out while in school. I could never be categorized.
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I didn't like to talk about the cutest guys in school. I didn't like to bitch about other girls. I didn't have any common interest with any other girls around... So lots of girls didn't like me. I was betrayed. backstabbed. bitched. And even ostracised. Of course there are always some kind souls that brought me lots of happiness too.
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But tough times help me grow stronger and faster. And eventually I realized there r people who r like me that grow up in an extraordinary way and they never confirm to normality. These are the people who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and found their way out of depths. These people have an appreciation. A sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
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I'm not alone after all. I may be the odd one out but I'm living such an extraordinary and splendid life. That's enough to fill me with bliss.
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All the tears and struggles did not go to waste. Powerful an fearless. Yes I feel that way.
- 11:55 AM
Y
Sunday, April 4, 2010
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Easter Bunnies!
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It was a really awesome party @ Orchard Scotts with a bunch of gorgeous bunnies. And I guess it's time to stop partying and do some serious work. Too many things to be done and I'm not going to take anything slow any more.
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Being prim and proper all the time is what expected of me. But sometimes dress up sexy and have a little fun is not bad at all :p Have been avoiding attentions and glances for too fucking long and this time I really didn't give a shit about anything and had a real glamorous night! Ops. The other bunnies took something precious away from me that night. Kiss kiss:)
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Super Mario and Super Bunny! 
- 8:20 AM
Y
Friday, April 2, 2010
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For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others
for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness
and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone
---Autrey Hepbum
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- 12:56 AM
Y
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
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Never regret something that once makes u smile.
- 11:45 PM
Y
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
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Baby u cheered me up!
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- 8:26 AM
Y
Sunday, March 21, 2010
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Thank you xy for being there for me when I'm feeling sad. Having a friend like you is such a wonderful thing and I will be there standing by you all the time. This time is just... too devastating. Thankfully I have waken up from the beautiful nightmare. And you have no idea what my heart is made of baby.
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Man I've been through so much. My life is never peaceful but my heart is. Time can erase everything, even if it's something which had completely taken my breath away at once.
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Just pampered myself from head to toe. My skin glows and my hair shines. Going to put on my dancing shoes and have a good good night
- 9:31 AM
Y
Saturday, March 20, 2010
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` We were the last guests of the night in Forlino. Can't forget the three Japanese uncles next table talking loudly in a bid to grab my attention hehe. They probably think I'm a Jap girl. Yes yes I cut the bangs and I cut it myself. Can't really trust my hairdresser when it comes to length. Someone else also cut his hair:)
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- 5:23 AM
Y
Sunday, March 7, 2010
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Having Baby around all the time I really feel like a mother. He's always there accompanying me whenever I feel lonely. His breath against my cheek is simply lovely and he always brings me peace and serenity. Now that I have everything in place except one thing or may be I have nothing in fact. I suppose to feel relieved and happy after I got my results but my heart is surprisingly as peaceful as still water.`
"Hi there beautiful.How I would love to be giving you a big hug right now.Curled up in a ball, holding each other." `
You are my solace...
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I want your love.
- 6:46 AM
Y
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
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Like a little white flower...
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Time flies. Without noticing it I've been enjoying a carefree life for several months since the end of A levels. I started to take care of the details of everyday life back to normal. Cooking, reading, spending time with loved ones, dining, pedicure, hair treatment, exercising, shopping, travelling, chilling out at friends' places, white wines, home-brewed beer, first time smoking cigar, bubble bath, good music... What else can I ask for... Oh God life after A's is amazing. Thank you so much for putting me through the trauma and helped me learnt to appreciate how beautiful life is. Baby I know how hard it is to please me. Thank you for being so patient with me...
- 1:41 AM
Y
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
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Rayne. Take a break. You have to go through this alone and come out of it a stronger person.
- 8:06 AM
Y
Thursday, January 28, 2010
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patience. soldier. heaven. hope.
- 9:07 PM
Y
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
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The news of you finally moving on is comforting. But somehow I feel as if I have lost my balance and could easily fall and break into a million pieces. Isn't this what I always wanted? Of course Rayne. You just need time to adjust and accept things as they are. I don't want to say sorry any more. But thank you:)
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Being compared to the maiden in the Wind Flowers made me realized what I've been missing for all these years. I was once a hard core romantic. What was it that ripped off my childhood dreams? " like a beautiful white flower, you will be found and appreciated no matter where you are hidden." my grandpa used to tell me. Oh grandpa I miss you so much.
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Frustration. like a poisonous gas that kills from inside. Someone save me please.
- 1:29 AM
Y
Monday, January 25, 2010
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The good thing is I don't hate any more. But I can hardly trust again. I once loved her so much. I couldn't even bear to see her feeling exhausted and disappointed. Is winning so important? And then I cut off almost all means of communication but somehow I feel I should explain a little bit. It's all about forgive and forget. Distance creates another kind of beauty because people tend to remember only the happy memories rather than the ugly ones. Yes I want to remember your beauty. Shame on me that I still love you. That's why I felt so disappointed and angry. And like I always say, " life is short". We are suppose to cherish the moment now and forget about those insignificant issues. Under the angry heat of life, some friendships dry up and it takes far more efforts to restore its life. And I have lost my faith in us. I think I've done the right thing because it's healthier for both of us.
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Speaking about friendships, love is way simpler but harder. No point trying anymore. Nature will take it's course. God is always kind to me and I still believe in him.
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And family. I'm blessed as long as the three of us stay healthy.
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Work is the last thing that came to my my mind. I got my name card;) You can have one if you want:)
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PS. more rounds of holiday trips coming up...
- 12:34 AM
Y
Sunday, January 24, 2010
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Lazy lazy trip to Cherating Beach Resort
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Sometimes life is good and we truly enjoy the happy moments with our loved ones. If not now then when? And of course there are some downturns and setbacks which we have to overcome and come out of it a stronger person. Sometimes we feel we are all alone but when we look around and think for a moment we realize that there are so many people that love and care for us.
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A Lazy morning...
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Hermit crab
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Romantic dinner for mom and dad. Amor amor~~
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- 10:30 PM
Y
Sunday, January 10, 2010
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Do you wanna ride?
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I'm glad I still remembered how to ride a horse. It was a thrilling experience because all the horses gone wild in the end and one rider was thrown out by her horse right in front of my eyes. It's horrifying because she could barely move while lying on the grass. My horse was such a 'copy cat'. He started to run wildly and tried to throw me out when he saw what happened in front but I managed to subdue the wild animal and made him my tamed little boy. *big grin* But I was not as cool as I sound because my legs cramped in pain after the ride as I exerted all my energy on my thighs to stabilize myself. Beware! Horse riding could be dangerous! After all, horses are humane creatures which can be quite submissive to their owners and could easily develop boundings and love with the owner. However there is still a bestial side of them and that makes them more interesting.
p.s. I feel so blessed to be in the sun for the whole day=)
- 8:54 PM
Y
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
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My New Year Resolutions
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1.remember roads and be more independent to GPS
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2. practice piano! Can't believe I ignored it for so long since JC1
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3.learn basic French
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4.Cuddle and play with Baby at least an hour every day
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5.Bring Baby to east coast at least once a month
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6.Go skating at least once every two weeks
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7.Catch up with friends at least once a week
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8. look at my Principles every morning and follow them
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9.Don't make quick judgement
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10.read at lesat one book every two weeks
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11.Listen more to people instead of talking about myself
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12.Force mum to take a rest and go travelling with me
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13. Go travelling in Japan, Europe, Thailand, Malaysia, Bali and Hong Kong
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to be continued... I need to think first
- 3:36 AM
Y
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
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It's funny, isn't it? I used to sleep more than 12 hours a day when I was studying for A's but now I can't even sleep for 10 hours during my holidays. I've been a living koala bear for the past 19 years and I suddenly felt a stark transformation from a koala bear to a woman full of energy and passion. Yeah baby, my life has just begun... And I'm beginning to fall in love with work. What's the difference between study and work? WORK is getting paid while climbing the social ladder. And what I love most about it is I'm working hard to build my own kingdom.I am a truly lucky girl. You know, I am abs0lutely aware of it. God created me for a reason and I'm beginning to realize it.
- 8:13 PM
Y
Sunday, December 27, 2009
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Ok, it is impossible to upload all the crap load of party photos. Let me start by the latest Christmas house party.
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Next, a very White Christmas Party`
Zouk Out 2009
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No.1 truth that I learnt after A's is PARTY IS FOREVER. Yes baby, I deserve some fun after two years of agony. And there are more to come:)
- 8:24 AM
Y
God is always kind to me. I must have been a good girl :))
` 
Time flies. Without noticing it I've been enjoying a carefree life for several months since the end of A levels. I started to take care of the details of everyday life back to normal. Cooking, reading, spending time with loved ones, dining, pedicure, hair treatment, exercising, shopping, travelling, chilling out at friends' places, white wines, home-brewed beer, first time smoking cigar, bubble bath, good music... What else can I ask for... Oh God life after A's is amazing. Thank you so much for putting me through the trauma and helped me learnt to appreciate how beautiful life is. Baby I know how hard it is to please me. Thank you for being so patient with me... 
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